


The Courage to Fall

by Eliza



Category: DBSK, TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-01
Updated: 2008-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 21:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza/pseuds/Eliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another encore from the end of the Five in the Black tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courage to Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2007 [ Nuna Fanworks](http://community.livejournal.com/nuna_fanworks) holiday fic exchange as a present for Junyoo. I tried to fit in all five requests; I hope it works. Betaed by Rana.

Changmin smiled as the lights dimmed and gave them a moment of privacy. He saw Junsu wipe at his face, and Jaejoong became still and perfect as a marble statue, ensuring the tears shining in his eyes didn't slip down his cheek. Changmin had managed to keep himself under control; unlike his bandmates, he'd known better than to watch all the tears fall. Then the lights came back up and Yunho flung an arm over his shoulder as they followed a still-embarassed Junsu, and a cuddling Jaejoong and Yoochun, up the ramp for their final series of bows. He met Yunho's smile, now fully recovered and again brilliant, but he could feel the shakiness of his own as he met Yunho's still-damp eyes. When Yunho let go to hug Yoochun–everyone was hugging Yoochun--Changmin was torn between relief and a strong desire to hook his hands into Yunho's waistband and hang on.

The rest of the bows and thank yous were mostly a blur. He trotted ahead to get closer to Junsu; his roommate would likely need a strong hand to keep from sinking into a brood for having to stop singing. It would also help distract Changmin from the brand across his shoulders left by Yunho's arm. He rolled his shoulders to try and remove the ghost weight.

When they finally found refuge in their dressing room, there wasn't the exuberance that had followed them after the other concerts, even the one yesterday. The pensiveness was more than the aftermath of the last number, so when one of the producers started to say something about the final song, Changmin stood up and suggested that now was not the time. The rest of the staff had been with them long enough to take the hint.

"I hope you didn't leave bruises on him, dongsaeng," Yunho said mildly.

"Stupidity shouldn't be rewarded," Changmin replied and punched Junsu's arm hard enough to get his attention.

Junsu took a breath to protest, but then hunched his shoulders as he slid off the arm of the couch to sit beside Yoochun. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Not that, you idiot." It was tempting to punch him again, but Changmin flopped down into the nearest chair instead. "It was wonderful. Don't spoil it by being a moron now."

"It was a mess."

"A wonderful mess. They loved it. Just like they love your gags."

"You calling my gags a mess?"

Changmin could feel the tears he hadn't shed rise up behind his eyes again in response to the spark returning to Junsu's. "Just like our fans, 90% of them are deranged."

"Good thing for you," Yunho said, meeting Changmin's eyes in the makeup mirror. "If the 10% you like make you tear up, you'd be worse than Yoochun if you sang for them all."

"I did not tear up! I only said that–"

"You are a horrible liar, Changmin. Everyone in the concert hall believed you," Yunho turned in his chair, "even if we were the only ones who saw the proof."

As Changmin stared at Yunho, trying to figure out exactly what had been said, he caught sight of three heads turning in his direction. "I'm not going to fight with you, hyung." The heads moved to look at Yunho.

"Because I'm right?"

"Because they," Changmin swept his arm in the direction of the other three, as attentive as fangirls in the front row, "are enjoying it far too much."

Yunho walked over and put his hand on Changmin's shoulder. "We'll continue this fight later then. In private," he whispered in Changmin's ear, then continued moving toward the door. The look in his eyes was serious, and Changmin wondered which line he had crossed this time.

"Have we all caught our breath? Can I let them back in?" Yunho asked, his hand on the door handle. Yoochun was biting his lip but he nodded, Jaejoong poked out his tongue but nodded as well. Yunho looked directly at Junsu, who sighed and shrugged.

"Yeah, the sooner you let them in, the sooner we can go home," Junsu said. Yoochun rubbed Junsu's thigh, and Changmin saw the momentary sag of Junsu's spine, the relaxation of his body, before Junsu pushed himself up off of the couch and went to sit at his spot at the table. The door was open and people were already wandering in before Changmin realized that Yunho hadn't asked him.

They'd prepared a small celebration for themselves at home to mark the successful conclusion of the tour, but they were all so drained that it was agreed, during the mostly silent ride home, that they would have the party tomorrow. A day off was just as much a reason to celebrate, anyway. If the good night hugs lingered longer than usual, no one said anything about that either, and soon everyone was either in bed or in the bath hurrying to get to bed.

Changmin let Junsu shower first, so he was asleep by the time Changmin came into their room. Usually Changmin would read for a while, it took effort to wake Junsu once he was settled, but tonight he was restless. There were ways to fix that, too, but the usual release, although always good, couldn't have been called relaxing for some time now.

And Yunho hadn't finished the argument.

He left the room before he did disturb Junsu and headed toward the kitchen. The others were used to his nighttime prowl for food, and so wouldn't think twice if they saw the light on. He stared into the refrigerator, not seeing a thing in it, and wondered, what the hell had they been arguing about anyway?

"If any of the party food disappears, you will be convicted without trial," Yunho said from the doorway.

"Not hungry," Changmin said, closing the fridge door and meeting Yunho's surprised blink with a scowl. "What were you doing in there?"

"Where?"

"The dressing room. I made a lame joke and you jumped on me."

"I made an observation."

"You compared me to Yoochun!" Changmin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I love him, hyung. I wouldn't want him to be other than who he is. But I've worked hard not to let my emotions run away with me. Any of my emotions."

"You've always been an overachiever, Min."

"And what does that mean?!"

"I worry about you. You've been pulling away from us since the beginning of the tour. But I don't think I realized that you found the crowd that overwhelming until today."

Changmin shook his head, both in denial and to clear away the surge of disgust at Yunho's thick-headedness. "I don't. I might not bask in the wave of emotion like you and Junsu, or sing to individual pairs of eyes like Jaejoong and Yoochun, but I love being appreciated for what I do. And I do appreciate in return every single one of those fans, even the weird ones. You could have let me know that breaking down on stage was the new fanservice."

"I cried because I was watching Junsu, don't change the subject!"

"And I didn't cry because I didn't watch Junsu, or Yoochun, or Jaejoong. I know the power that they have." Changmin sat down at the kitchen table and rested his forehead on his folded arms. "Hyung, it's too late for this," he whined. The sound echoed off the wood into his own ears; hopefully, it was a little more muffled for Yunho. "If you're determined to see me cry, you're doing a good job of it."

"I'm sorry." Yunho put his hands on Changmin's shoulders and Changmin felt the muscles tense immediately at the contact. The touch was removed almost as fast. "Whatever I've done, I'm sorry."

It was Yunho's next breath that undid him, the sharp stuttered inhale that signalled a restrained sob. Changmin didn't dare look, but he raised his head from the table, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. "You haven't done anything. Nothing that you need to be sorry for." He braced himself and turned his head to see Yunho's shoulders shaking, eyes covered with one hand. It was the placement of other hand that brought Changmin to his feet; it was an instant away from reaching for him.

Changmin took Yunho's hand first, lacing their fingers and squeezing tight, then he wrapped the other arm around Yunho's back to rub between the shoulder blades. He rested his temple against the one not covered by Yunho's hand, but made a point not to pull Yunho in close. There was no reason to complicate this any more then it already was. He could feel his own tears seeping through his closed lids, soaking his eyelashes, so when Yunho moved his hand from his face and onto Changmin's neck, Changmin tilted his head just enough to mingle the salt on Yunho's cheek.

Yunho took a deep breath then; Changmin heard it, felt it under his hand. He should have known...somehow stopped Yunho from taking that step closer, stopped his erection from sliding against Yunho's thigh. But all he could do was gasp, clutch at the thin cotton under his hand and, as he felt the fabric give, he lowered his chin to Yunho's shoulder. Then his brain clicked into gear again. He unclenched both hands, moving them toward Yunho's shoulders to push himself away, but Yunho placed his freed hand on Changmin's spine, just below the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, while the other slid from Changmin's neck to between his shoulder blades, over the same spot as the holes in Yunho's now ruined t-shirt.

"Yunho...." Changmin had no idea what to say, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to move away anymore, to let Yunho see the redness in his cheeks.

"Shh," Yunho whispered, his breath further warming Changmin's skin. "I get it now, I really do, you don't have to say anything. All I ask is that you give me a minute before...I let you go."

A minute. It was like a switch was thrown, giving his body permission to relax in Yunho's arms again, like he used to before he realized how much he enjoyed it. No, before he decided he shouldn't. A minute to place the dreams that had been haunting him in a fallible, flawed reality, where they could be appropriately shattered and swept aside.

Except the dreams never came close to this. They never held a heat that made his bones melt. They never showed him that a feather light touch at the small of his back would be felt over all of his skin. They never told him that the sound of Yunho's breathing would make him unable to catch his own breath. He tilted his head back with the effort, licked at too dry lips, and he knew that if he turned just a bit, he would be able to taste his own salt on Yunho's cheek.

It was just the smallest kiss, the quickest flick of his tongue, and the shudder that ran through Yunho's body in reaction scattered all of Changmin's lingering dreams. Changmin put his hands back on Yunho's shoulders and pushed himself away. They were stupid dreams anyway, and they'd prompted a stupid decision.

Yunho held tight for a moment, then loosened his hold enough for Changmin to see his face. The resigned look in his eyes disappeared in a confused blink, as Changmin ran his fingers up the sides of Yunho's neck to cup Yunho's jaw. The slow removal of Yunho's hands from Changmin's skin stopped, and Yunho set them firmly on Changmin's hips, the pressure of his fingertips the only indication of what he wanted. Changmin couldn't help smiling as he brushed Yunho's lip with his thumb and Yunho's thumbs left bruises on his hip bones.

"Are you teasing me, Min-ah?" Yunho's voice itself was a tease, low and soft, the vibrations in Changmin's ear wrapping around the base of his skull and down his spine. But he heard the seriousness, too, so Changmin shook his head as he grinned.

"Not on purpose."

Yunho leaned forward, and Changmin let his hands slide into Yunho's hair as Yunho closed the distance between them. "Then I think it's time one of us does something on purpose."

Changmin hummed his agreement; then their lips touched, amplifying the vibration, and he gasped at the sensation. Yunho's lips moved into a shape so familiar to Changmin that he didn't need to see the smile that flashed for a moment before Yunho's mouth softened again, pressing against his own parted lips. Yunho stayed there, just as his hands stayed on Changmin's hips, until Changmin shifted the half-step to again press against Yunho's chest, and moved his head into the slight tilt needed to deepen the kiss.

Yunho moved with purpose again, hands returning to Changmin's back, both higher and lower along the spine than last time. He kissed with an obvious purpose, too – to melt Changmin's brain. Changmin tried to analyse the sensations, assert some control over his feelings, but then realized that was the attitude which kept him from this for so long in the first place.

When he stopped fighting himself, it was Yunho's reaction he felt more than his own. The hand on his back, precisely placed, flowed over his skin until Yunho's whole arm was holding him. The hand on his pyjama bottoms cupped his ass and pulled him close, leaving him with no doubt that Yunho was reacting to this with the same enthusiasm he was. Changmin rolled his hips, wanting to feel the length cradled up against his hipbone. Yunho groaned as he dragged his lips along Changmin's jaw, and again Changmin hummed his agreement, this time feeling the vibrations echoing from Yunho's lips moving down his throat. But as wonderful as the sensations were, the separation the position required was not something Changmin was prepared to tolerate at the moment.

"Hyu.... Yunho."

Yunho smiled against Changmin's collarbone before lifting his head. The smile was still in his eyes and Changmin couldn't stop staring into them, smiling in return. He leaned in to close the distance and Yunho's gaze flickered to his mouth. The slightly lowered lids and parted lips made Changmin's stomach flip. It wasn't fear, but suddenly a kiss seemed a bit too.... It wasn't fear. Fear didn't bring tears to his eyes, and he was clinging because the feel of Yunho's body pressed against his was not something he wanted to let go of. He brushed the knobs of bone at the top of Yunho's spine with his fingers, slid his palm over the curve of Yunho's shoulder, reached with the rest of his body, not quite lifting his heel off the floor, barely enough to create some friction.

Yunho took one panted breath against Changmin's ear and squeezed Changmin hard. "If you're going to do that, we should get out of the kitchen."

"And out of these clothes?" Changmin suggested, then tucked his face into Yunho's neck. He took a breath, his lips just brushing skin, and tasted Yunho's scent on the air rushing over his tongue. He wanted to taste Yunho again properly , but a kiss here, in their nightclothes, in the kitchen, gave him the same feeling as Yunho's arm around his shoulder had given him on stage–an illicit thrill and a wave of guilt. Yunho's silence lasted a moment too long, so Changmin added, "I have seen you naked before, hyung."

"You think so?"

Changmin pulled back see Yunho's expression, figure out what prompted such an odd statement. There was a challenge in Yunho's eyes as he cupped Changmin's cock. Changmin met it, pushed into Yunho's hand and let his head fall back with the pleasure of it. Fine, he hadn't seen everything, but that was part of the point. Through his eyelashes, he watched Yunho watching him, and saw the small smile as he brushed his knuckles down Yunho's side with every intention of matching the grip. The true smile flashed as Yunho caught his hand before it crossed Yunho's waistband.

"All right," Yunho said. "I should know better by now."

The smile stayed, growing wider as Changmin raised his head and grabbed Yunho's hand. It had strayed beyond cradling Changmin's cock.

"Jaejoong said you were a dirty cheater. I didn't believe him."

"Jaejoong exaggerates, but he never actually lies."

"A...slightly frightening realization."

"So...."

Changmin pushed his hands behind Yunho's back, surprised that Yunho didn't fight him, or let go of the wrist Yunho was grasping himself. He leaned against Yunho's chest again, feeling Yunho's heartbeat through the stretched cage of muscle and bone, and whispered, "We'd better be very quiet, hyung."

"Or you'd better find a way to keep me quiet."

Yunho's gaze settled on Changmin's mouth again, and this time Changmin didn't shy away from the kiss. He leaned down and couldn't help smiling a little at that. With arms and shoulders pulled back, the arch of Yunho's spine gave Changmin a little more height and made him lean over to reach Yunho's mouth. But the position also meant that Changmin didn't dare push for more than a soft brushing of lips, so he released Yunho's wrist, caressing up the arm before curving his fingers around the nape of Yunho's neck. Yunho waited for Changmin to pull him up and continued to let Changmin take the lead, although now able to match the intensity of the kiss.

Changmin expected Yunho to take control, but when it didn't happen, Changmin found it made him braver. He didn't have to wait for permission or approval from his hyung, he could run his hand over the curve of muscle under Yunho's boxers just for the pleasure of the touch.

Yunho groaned into Changmin's mouth, pushing back into Changmin's hand even as he pulled their bodies close. Changmin had to take a step forward to keep his balance, and the pressure against his cock became friction as the muscles under his hand tensed and rolled. He barely stopped himself from clamping his jaw tight, still catching Yunho's tongue between his teeth, but only just enough to make Yunho voice a hiss similar to the one he'd swallowed.

"You'd said something about getting out of here?" Changmin panted.

"As long as you still think getting out of these clothes is a good idea." Yunho wasn't letting go, though.

"If we don't it will become very messy."

Yunho squeezed hard and nipped at Changmin's earlobe before saying, "It would be a wonderful mess."

Changmin stepped back, and Yunho loosened his hold but didn't let go. Changmin could feel the weight, the heat, and this time had no desire to shrug it off. He slid his arm around Yunho's shoulder, encouraging them toward the door. "But this time, let's keep it between us."


End file.
